Ides!!!!
Beware etc.
Friends,
Hello from Philly!! We made it past false spring here, and a frost came, so I’m hoping it’s only up from here? I moved a bunch of my seedlings inside. I’m in the middle of my annual spring tradition of rewatching Normal People, which sort of heightens warm weather antsiness. I’m trying to reallllllllly focus on what is going right, what I am grateful for. I am remembering the spring when I was hearing back about MFA programs and how miserable the waiting was, how hurtful each rejection felt. In the meantime of waiting to hear back about fellowships right now, I can’t be waiting around for the email that is going to save me, and yet I still need to remain open enough to apply for things, so yes, trying to focus on the gratitude. Remembering to enjoy what I have. For instance, I’m deeply in love, so that is working out great for me!!! I have a mentor at work I’m learning about plants from—bit by bit I’m memorizing Latin names that help with plot points in my novel. I’ve been reading more again. I spent a weekend weeping into the pages of A Little Life, and now I understand both its controversy and its cult following. I’m trying to celebrate the successes more when they come. A poem of mine was published in Poetry Daily, one that was also the Finalist for the Loraine Williams Poetry Prize in 2023, “Panhellenic Building Blueprint.” My little blurb about it:
I began with twin textures of rumor and research from the school library’s archives. I wrote ekphrastically, arriving at the visual barrier. In editing with Destiny O. Birdsong I realized the central tension of the piece. We were discussing proposed legislation at the time, a bill to ban drag in public, that could also criminalize trans people in daylight. This throughline of how gender is legislated and made legible emerged.
Sam and I also went out in our neighborhood to get new author photos for me, with my haircut that I love so much. Thank you Sammmmmmmm <3
My friend Asa stayed with me for a couple days when she did a reading in town (get a copy of her book Maybe the Body which is so so so wonderful!!) She gave me so many pep talks and she and my friend Jimin were coaching me on how to network within the writing world, how to advocate for myself, what opportunities to hold out for. I sometimes feel that I haven’t exactly found a mentor in the writing world, but I am blessed in how much my friends teach me and have taken me under their wing. Asa gave me a good luck charm for writing submissions. We got the same meal at Triangle Tavern and walked around Italian Market at night and I kept saying to her, this feels like the year. And she agreed!
That reading gave way to AWP week, (the big high school reunion for writers) so I went to Baltimore for that. I got to stay with my angel friend Rachel, we had the BEST time going to offsite readings around the city. I was reflecting afterwards about the different chapters of my writing life. Zenaida, Golden and Julissa, who feel foundational to me as a person and writer from my time in Boston, my first time in a true writing community in slam. Asa and Jimin and Rhoni from Tin House. Game Over Books pals, YesYes pals, time with Devin road tripping to Baltimore and back, making my Gram’s sauce recipe a la when we filmed Morricone back in 2023. I was walking from Rachel’s place to the convention center all week, and it gave me a chance to reunite with the architecture I loved in Baltimore, to return to my favorite coffee spots and wine shops, to remember when I was a kid and we’d come to the Inner Harbor and I’d hear my dad wax poetic about when he grew up there, looking up at the ships. It was the most grounded AWP I’ve had, I think because I’ve lived in Baltimore and the surroundings were familiar, but also maybe because I had just come from doing the McCormack Center workshops, and the reading with Asa and Jimin, and I felt like I was walking a little bit taller knowing I have projects I’m working on that I love, and some writers I really admire who are rooting for me too. My favorite panels from the conference were about rotating POV, prepositions and unsettling syntax, a plot structure panel consisting entirely of Philly writers, and a panel on failure facilitated by my Tin House workshop leader Paisley Rekdal. I got to end the conference listening to Zenaida read one of my favorite poems of theirs, reflecting back on when I first published my chapbook with Game Over Books in 2018. I have to remind myself how much I’ve done. I just feel like I’m bursting sometimes because there is so much I still want to do.
I’m trying to stay consistent in my writing practice as much as I can. I’ve been tracking my progress on the novel—last week was 7 hours and 3166 words. When I have a free Saturday morning to just write uninterrupted, I make a lot of progress. Also after talking with Asa (who I would say in every sense is an incredible literary community member or literary citizen as some writers conceive of it, how she is constantly writing reviews for other people’s books, teaching, studying craft) I decided I want to get myself back in the routine of critical writing and thinking, so I am going to be teaching at the Loft (online classes) over the summer, and am making a list of literary journals to pitch reviews and craft essays to. I’m also trying to keep up with friend accountability more — I have a weekly writing assignment email thread and a novel draft deadline from different friends at McCormack. I’m still writing regularly with Zenaida. I’m also back to tutoring Alex’s dad in poetry :) I like my routines and it does make me happy to have reasons to orbit back to the people I love!!
I feel similarly about music, that I’ve been wanting to actively listen again, like when I wrote for post-trash and focused primarily on Philly bands. I’m going to start doing interviews for the Tonearm, and they seem open to and excited about weird angles on art, so I think it’ll push me to bring my own set of knowledge to studying music, hopefully find some inspiration and confidence there. I really feel momentum on the new album—demo-ing things out has been a blast so far. Me and Nate and Daniel interrupting each other during recording to keep yapping about plot structure or references for songs. I love those guys. That time just feels especially precious, and I’m excited we’re dedicating a whole weekend coming up to working on new songs. I can tease but cannot yet announce that we have a few really exciting shows lined up for the year. I’m very pleased and will likely get to share our summer schedule next newsletter so stay tuned!! I got to see a stripped down Mannequin Pussy set on Saturday, and it was good to revisit music that really matters to me and moves me. It was my five-year anniversary gift to Alex and we both cried at the guitar solo on “Control” which was slower and bouncy and came after Missy backed away from the mic to hit a really big note. Can you comment or poke me with music recs? I feel like I’m in a listening rut right now.
I’m dying to travel. I really could have used a trip this winter but it wasn’t in the cards, (the credit cards!! yuck yuck yuck) But Mexico City and Ireland and Italy and Granada… Boy oh boy what medicine a sunny day in another country would be. I’m still hoping to take a Spanish or Italian class this spring, but I’ll be balancing that with my job, with my writing deadlines, with my piano class, so trying to be kind to myself. Not to mention planning a wedding!
At the nursery, we’ve got a big plant order coming in today: foam flower and Bunny blue sedge and brown-eyed Susan and spotted bee balm and mountain mint. The first seeds have germinated, fish pepper and tomatoes and red silk beans. I’m going to try and report more here about nursery things because what I’m learning there really is a bright spot for me. My friend Smoore did an incredible overhaul of our patio garden last year, and it’s been really cool to recognize so much of her choices in what we are up to at the nursery. There’s a beautiful plant called purple poppy mallow or wine cup or Callirhoe involucrata if you’re fancy. It’s a ground cover and has these incredible magenta blooms.
My mentor gave me a library of books on native plants to read, so I’m also hoping to make time for that. I keep dreaming of getting to the nursery early before my typical working hours and just reading in the greenhouse this spring. I’ve loved the moments where it’s warm but raining, hearing the water on the plastic cover of the greenhouse bay. We’re having our nursery opening Sunday, April 12th, and after that we’ll be open for regular hours. If you want to come sit and have coffee with me at the nursery, poke me!
A couple final notes because it’s my year of hotness studies: I can’t tell you how many people have complimented this haircut. I know I talked about it last time but I feel genuinely a lot more comfortable in myself all the sudden and maybe it’s the haircut, maybe it’s calibrating my neutrals vs teenage Sara Mae loud outfits, maybe it’s a better foundation of self-esteem around writing and my relationships. I was opening up to my friend Josie about my worry that I’m not moving fast enough with writing progress. And she talked about how good things really do take time, so many of the best writers move slowly. And when talking about balancing work with writing she said I just need to get weird with it, that there’s something salacious about writing when you’re not supposed to, which felt like some of the most exciting advice I’ve gotten around writing in awhile. So I’m going to see what weirdness I can get into with writing this month and report back. She said, and I agree, that listening to your own strange impulses also is what makes you feel like an artist, the specificity and strangeness of your own process. So more soon-
<3
Sara Mae
So glad to see all they ways you're being celebrated this spring! You're a genuine powerhouse, but one that doesn't destroy the earth. If you teach a class at the Loft, send me the link! I may finally take advantage of the instructor discount they offer!